Out of The Deep

Being sick is a bitch. But when it’s mental sick it’s far worse. I ran out of meds. Yes, I know I could have prevented that but sometimes my mind gets so stressed that it just goes to la la land. Pretty soon I am off routine and I’ve forgotten to medicate, eat, get out of bed and bathe. That’s when I know the depression got a good hold on me and I am deep in the pit. It’s dark, cold and sad. And I was breathing it. I wonder what would have happened to me if I lived alone. It’s a scary thought. A more disturbing thought is that I am the type of person who can not function without medication. I hate that I need it. My wife pulled me out of the deep end. She did it by snapping at me. She was frustrated and pissed because it happened and was unnecessary. I agreed. I was so tired and frustrated at myself that I was ready for help. Especially when my son told me that he missed me and wanted to spend time together. For the last two days I have heard people say, “Take care of yourself.” You can get so caught up taking care of everyone else and everything else that you forget yourself. I haven’t been able to write. I have so many ideas that I am ripping at the seams. Writing this blog is the first thing I’ve written in a while. It feels good. I’m ready to get back to work. I’m ready to feel alive. 

I am an information whore. I love learning. So, I am finally going to teach myself how to code. I can not believe I don’t already know how to code. What took me so long? I am using Codecademy for starters to get my feet wet. It’s pretty easy so far. I’m looking forward to learning how to program games and websites. 

Thanks for reading. I look forward to interacting with you. Of course, please take care of yourself. 

Why is it so hard to write the first word? Is it because the mind fights itself even to the very moment of putting the words down? Maybe it’s me. I am  a novice trying to come up with a workable writing schedule. Perhaps my writing constipation will work itself out when I start writing on a regular basis. No pun intended.

I’m dissecting Stephen King’s Misery to learn how a story is put together. Focusing on how a story flows, character developments and scene structures will help better my storytelling. It’s an experiment. So far I’m learning a great deal. And what better way to become a better writer than to learn from the masters. I am currently on chapter 12 of  Stephen King’s Misery and I have to say this process is showing interesting results thus far. The chapters in this novel are very small (so far), about 500 word count, which in my opinion is great for a fast pace thriller. He avoided what I call “flowering a scene” where everything  is described to great detail and provides way too much information. He kept it simple, only mentioning what was important to the story. I also noticed that a scene can take several chapters, unlike my my last novel where I wrote a scene per chapter. I pondered how deep in a scene I can go if I take my time  and tell the whole story. Give it life and make it real.

I’ve decided to write a short story before starting a new novel. It has been years since I’ve written one and I look forward getting started. I have several ideas and will pick one soon. As eager as I am, I still dread writing that first word. Maybe it will come to me in the middle of the night as I dream about my alternate life.

“Dying men rarely scream. They haven’t the energy. I know.” -Anne Wilkes

King, Stephen (1988-06-03). Misery

Shanna

Oh my goodness! I can not believe my writing block has burst into a millions of pieces. The creative juices are boiling in my brain.  I just have to keep putting it on paper. Which I hate. Lazy writer here. I wish I could put a wand to my head like Albus Dumbledor and pull out my stories. I have no idea at the moment the point of this new story. Conflict? No idea. Which is good. Finding out is the fun part.

Write everyday. Even if it’s one word. Make it a profound one.